just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
