After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
