Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
