Hey man sorry I got all grabby
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
