The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
