3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
