When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
