Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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