yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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