If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
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We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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