he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
