Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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