i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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