Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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