Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
