I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
