A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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