the new term for farting is butt boxing.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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