1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
