So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
