remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
then he tried to convert me to islam
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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