Dude my mom stole all your condoms
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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