you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We're too hungover to prance.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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