Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
