He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
