my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
