Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
