WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize