Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
