Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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