Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
