Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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