He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
