It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
