Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
