I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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