That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
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My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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