I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i barfeds in our rink
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
