...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
