Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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