whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Drunk walkin through police station. America
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Still dying that you shit outside
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
