the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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