You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
