Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
