I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
