I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize