Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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