That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
jump out the window naked night went bad
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
