I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
