if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
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I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
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Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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