I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
