I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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