i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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