so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I haven't been this sober since birth.
only if we run a train.
done.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
