just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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