Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
