who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
