a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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