He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
