my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
