Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
