You're so nebulous sometimes
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
