If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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