went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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