remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
