he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
