My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
